THEIBOREBELLION: QUIXTAR TRAINING MANUAL EXPOSED

Original Source

Friday, August 31, 2007
QUIXTAR TRAINING MANUAL EXPOSED

More breaking news from the demented world of Quixtar. Do I have a real copy of Quixtar's training manual? Well no, but I am sure what I have found is right on par with the same character and integrity that is currently in play with Quixtar's Legal department. Apparently all those highly educated attorney's at the big Q have spent some time doing criminal defense work! Why you say? We all know all the great stories of the world's dumbest criminal's. Apparently the attorneys at Quixsand represented some of those fine folks,.... because it has either rubbed off on them or the whole negative association thing has manifested itself.

For all the world to see, Quixtar Legal appears to be orchestrating it's own show, " The World's Dumbest Attorney's...... Powered by Quixtar." These brilliant, deep thinkers, are currently engaged in one of the MOST OBVIOUS cases of CYA (cover your ass) that I have ever seen. If you are a Platinum or above maybe you have noticed the sudden surge of UNEXPLAINABLE customer orders. I use the word SURGE because I think Quixtar is trying to falsify one customer for every new soldier President Bush has recently deployed to Iraq. If you don't understand let me splain... that's explain for those of you in Quixtar Legal.

Platinum's and above are eligible to receive customers. On occasion potential customers call Quixtar looking for products. The customers are simply referred to a Platinum or above. The potential customer is typically geographically close to the IBO receiving the referral. The IBO, generally, after being provided contact information for the customer, calls or emails the customer to take the order. Some Platinum's and above have NEVER received a referral from Quixtar while others have gotten a handful. There is obviously no way for me to have all the figures. However, from all the information I can gather, the referral rate is some where around one customer per year... if that!

So that brings us to present day Quixtar. A company clearly feeling vulnerable on the issue of the inability of its IBO's to retail products effectively. Can you say PYRAMID? In recent weeks, the unexplainable surge of customers assigned to TEAM IBO's has been substantial. Could this just be a coincidence? I don't think so. These customers are doing things never seen before. THEY ARE BUYING AT RETAIL PRICES WITHOUT EVER TALKING TO THE IBO THEY WERE REFERRED TO! This is in stark contrast to some referrals that never buy anything when they are told what the prices are, and they come to their senses. So not only are the customers now being referred, but many times the first indication an IBO gets of a new customer is the $200 order appearing on their computer screen.

You might ask, who are these customers? In trying to follow up on all these apparent eager beavers, willing to over pay for products, what we find is quite alarming. What we find are bogus email addresses, bogus names, or worse yet no contact information at all. Yes, that's what I said, no contact information at all. How can that be considered a customer referral? What's great is that even with no information these customers are reportedly buying stuff, even without providing a ship address. In one instance, the supposed customer said she had never heard of Quixtar and asked how we got her information. Needless to say she said she never placed an order either.

As I stated, we are witnessing one of the most pathetically obvious attempts of CYA in history. As Quixtar Legal attempts to shield itself from what certainly will bring this company to its knees, it has resorted to dishonesty and deceit. Again for you in Quixtar Legal, that means you are LYING. You should have learned a long time ago, one lie always leads to another. The only other explanation would be that you are so arrogant that you would actually think all the IBO's, commonly referred to as "Property" in your office, would believe your fake customer fiasco. So I have taken the liberty to attached your training manual for OPERATION FICTITIOUS CUSTOMERS. Found at the gaudy site www.askmen.com, it has all the elements of your current operating standards. (see attached manual below--- How to: Cover Your Ass)


By Miles Harvey
Every other Wednesday
Photo at top; credit to istockphoto.com


Learning how to cover your ass is a great skill

In order to survive in the wild, animals rely on finely-tuned senses, remarkable agility and, in some cases, cool stuff like claws and body armor. These skills and attributes can also serve the modern man well in his pursuit of life, love and success in the dog-kill-dog-and-steal-his-wallet world of today. But he also needs an additional skill to thrive, one that even the most highly evolved wild creature lacks: the ability to cover his ass.

Be it professionally or in relationships, deftly covering up, spinning or minimizing one’s mistakes can be the difference between dining on steak at the top or digging around the dumpster for discarded cat food at the bottom. Any modern survival guide absolutely must have a chapter on this invaluable skill.

We’ll save you a trip down to the bookstore and provide you with everything you’ll need to keep your backside unscathed. And all it cost you was the 13 calories you burned by clicking through.
Always operate in groups
There is a reason fish swim in schools -- their individual chances of getting picked off by toothy predators are reduced. So whether you are working on a project at work or planning a buddy’s stag, it is usually better to be part of a group.

Not only will you have less responsibility (read: stuff to do), you’ll also greatly reduce your share of the blame should things go south. There’s no single point of accountability to fault, and you should escape relatively unscathed -- unless you really screwed up, in which case you’d better start surrounding yourself with as many other fish as soon as you can.

Like everything in life (except shortbread), it's all about moderation. Swim with the pack too often, and you’ll fade into the background and miss opportunities for it, but stick out like a seal in shark infested water and you're going to get eaten alive.
Always have an alibi
Certain situations that might require an alibi, so always have one in your back pocket just in case the need arises. That might sound a bit disingenuous, but often a white lie is the best way to defuse an unsavory situation before it all goes to hell in a hand basket.

Sneaking out of work for a job interview? Make sure you haven’t used the ol’ dentist excuse for a while. Breaking plans with your girl to go golfing with buddies? You’d better make your excuse believable, and get your buddies to corroborate. Girls love to turn into Columbo and poke holes in stories when they smell a rat. And Lord help you when she finds the scorecard and ball marker in your grass-stained khakis. My advice to you is; fight the urge to run and confess to nothing!
Anticipate failure, and plan for it
In Driver’s Ed., they tell us to always leave an out -- be it space in front or a gap in the lane next to you -- as a way to escape should things go wrong. This same logic should apply in everyday situations, not just on the road. If you are working on a project and it becomes clear that things just aren’t going to work out, start planning your "escape" early. This proactive reasoning will give you a chance to craft a viable plan rather than reacting off the cuff and risking further failure and embarrassment.

You need to learn to smell failure before you start doing anything. The guy above you probably can, that’s why he’s asked you to do the crappy job for him. Instead of following through with it, find someone else to take the shot for you. You not only avoid the inevitable failure, you also get major points from superiors for showing the gumption to delegate -- that’s management material!

Keeping records and acceptance are both acceptable ass-covering techniques...

Always have backup logic
Sure, this helps you cover your ass, but it is also a sound practice to use all the time. When making important decisions that essentially put their necks on the line, most people have a solid rationale for doing so. But really smart (and successful) people will have an alternate explanation just in case their original line of reasoning falls on deaf ears. Some call it spinning yarn or twisting reality. Others call it good business fundamentals (especially those in politics.) Use this kind of pragmatic thinking, and you’ll be amazed at how you can come out of rotten situations looking like a golden child.
Accept what you’ve got coming to you
Sometimes, if things don’t work out the way they are supposed to, you’re better off accepting whatever punishment is coming and making it clear to your superiors (be they your boss or your girlfriend) that you learned a valuable lesson and will not make the same mistake again. Being gracious and humble at a time like this can distance you from the frazzled masses spinning their wheels in damage-control mode.

Once you’ve fingered yourself as the culprit, you set up an opportunity to right the wrong and instantly reverse your fortunes in the eyes of your bosses and colleagues. With your girlfriend, it starts with flowers and humility. Professionally, it starts with organizing the team around you and getting sh*t done. Luckily, your coworkers will undoubtedly admire you for "falling on the sword" and will work twice as hard to ensure you succeed with your neck on the line. Except for the lazy guy in IT... he’ll probably continue to show up late and keep disappearing for hours on end.
Keep records
Unless you are an unscrupulous accountant, keeping detailed records can often cover your ass very effectively when the monkey throws the turd, so to speak. People attempting to save their own hides will often panic and start denying and blaming everyone around them. But keeping a copy of the e-mail you sent them or saving the phone message they drunkenly left will keep you clean and make their lives even more difficult. It’s really fun to watch them squirm.

Of course, the drawback is that when it is you that has neglected to read the e-mail or return the call, your "catalog of evidence" becomes one big ball of karmic irony. And with the Big Brother-esque powers of the average IT department, a big ball that can’t be destroyed. All this is motivation to actually pay attention to the details in tasks or at least start reading books on computer hacking.
get your butt off the line

Not having to cover your ass means never having to step out from the crowd and take a chance. You can remain huddled in with the masses and accept mediocrity in exchange for never having to exercise a bit of pragmatic thinking or planning. Or, you could grow a couple, grab the bull and try to make something great happen!

And when you fail at that (you will from time to time, unless you’re Tiger Woods or the guy that makes Peanut Butter Cup gelato down at Mario’s Iced Creamery), you can use what you learned in this article to lessen the impact. Failing that, you can cross the bridges you never burned and take advantage of the opportunities waiting you on the other side. Call that friend from college who is in IT recruiting or e-mail the cute girl you met at the conference and start crafting an escape plan. Networking isn’t something you do on your couch with a remote -- it’s a crucial step in covering your ass and moving up to better things.
Posted by The IBO Rebellion at 11:43 PM